This post is about Jamila Woods, Individualism, and Community

A little while back I posted on facebook what will likely be my favorite Tiny Desk Concert of the year: Jamila Woods:

Her performance here, and the musicians with her, are just supreme, and beautiful.
I especially love her performance of Holy.

I had been listening to that song quite a bit, and mentioned to K when I was showing her this Tiny Desk Concert how it sort of felt like the anthem to my life, especially the refrain, "I'm not lonely, I'm alone." I like being alone, and it certainly doesn't feel lonely to be alone, and I often look forward to my opportunities to spend time by myself, just doing whatever.
But while we were listening to it, she said that, while she loves listening to the song, she just doesn't quite agree with it. At first I wanted to protest, "But it is saying that it can be enjoyable to spend time alone!" However, the more I critically listened to it, I realized that she was right, that Woods is saying not that she can spend time alone and be happy, but that she doesn't need other people ("I'm holy by my own").
Now, it must be noted that she is writing this song from a perspective of black feminism. Women, especially black women, have been oppressed in America, told they aren't good enough, and had things withheld from them that they don't deserve to have had withheld. We need voices, like Wood's, to remind black women, and young black girls especially, to wake up "with my mind set on loving me." To remind them that they are good enough. To remind them that they are not powerless. That they can make a difference in this world. That they are made in the image of the Creator. The first song in the set, Blk Girl Magic, especially speaks to that and it is important. In that sense, I don't disagree with Woods. But I do disagree that we can get through this life without each other. We are not "holy" on our own. We are holy in community. We cannot get through this life without our brothers and sisters in Christ. We were made for relationship, not made for perfecting our individual selves, but growing up into unity under Christ.
With my disclaimer out of the way (which will probably be the longest part of it, haha), here goes the meat of this post:
For one, she starts her song (embedded at the bottom) with the words, "Give me today my daily bread." An astute observer will quickly notice that this is not how the Lord's prayer goes, which she is quoting, but it instead reads "Give us today our daily bread." In changing it the way she does, she's implying that all we need is ourselves, while Jesus taught us to pray in a way that implies the importance of our community around us. She says next, "help me to walk alone ahead." Which is creative. I like that. But from a Christian perspective, we need to walk the road ahead with our brothers and sisters in Christ at our side, supporting each other, and being "joined and held together by every supporting ligament."
Our culture is constantly telling us that our goal in life is to do what pleases us, "you do you, boo boo." Actively working against the beauty of a unified relationship. Actively working against the kingdom of God, a kingdom that is not just within us, although that is especially true, but is also among us. It has "come near," as Jesus says. Where two or three are gathered, Christ is with them. Culture is working against this because of all the ways that the beauty of relationship has been broken. We are a nation of broken families and broken hearts, so individualism is attractive because it diminishes the possibilities of that brokenness happening. But, as Christians with the message of reconciled relationships, with God and with each other, we can be unified under Christ, showing the beauty of relationship as God intended, and inviting others in to experience that relationship.

All in all, it's important to remember the refrain from Hollow Cove's We Will Run - "We will run to a place we can go as one." We will run to the feet of Jesus, as one unified body, encouraging each other and growing up into Christ, who is the head.





Of course, Hollow Coves' album title is Wanderlust, which is something else our culture encourages us towards that Christians should fight against (you know, not worrying about traveling the world, but focusing on making disciples, because there will one day be a renewed earth), but that is a topic for another post.

Grace and peace.

 

This post is about reflecting on music

I’ve started a new practice recently. When I get goosebumps at a song or super drawn into a song or music video, I stop to reflect on why. Is it just because I love the music or is there something about the lyrics or video that really speaks to me? It started with Julien Baker’s video for Appointments, I reflected on it and realized the beauty of the dancers but their lack of actual interaction with others reminded me of my social anxiety; the beauty in humanity but the difficulty I have in interacting with it. 

Then Silent Planet’s firstwake. \\caught in the cyclical narrative of violence that invokes your name to justify genocide// is the abuses of violent Christendom and the difficulty we have in escaping the cycles of violence. Then Chance the Rapper in Jamila Wood’s LSD, \\grass is greener in pasadena or catalina by the water where the overlap between bullet holes and backpacks couldn’t be farther. and i’m supposed to father my daughter [in chicago]?// Lamenting violence in the lives of children and the inability to escape it. But Counterpart’s Bouquet, \\i find it hard to feel alive while my heart beats in borrowed time// I really just get down with the sick beat.

This has flowed some from my current seminary class, Spiritual Formation. In fact, it is the reverse of what I’ve been experiencing in my class. I have found in my spiritual life that I feel most worshipful when I attain the knowledge of our hope in Christ, but I resist feeling the Holy Spirit. So I have been spending more time in contemplative prayer, putting away relying on my knowledge and focusing on listening and experiencing. So in the music I tend to listen to, I focus more on the feeling the music invokes but don’t take time to reflect on the knowledge behind the tunes. I’m trying to achieve a balance between knowledge and emotion. Maybe that balance isn’t necessarily achievable, it’s probably similar to trying to balance a teeter totter, you keep going back and forth from the center of balance, but I can try to get closer. As my walk with Yahweh goes further and further, I want to be intent on listening, on feeling, and growing in knowledge.



Here's a gif. A smooth dismount and remount:

via GIPHY

Of Airplanes and Cul-de-Sacs

This was written on 08/06/16. I decided to just start writing and see what came out, and this did:

I'm currently sitting on an airplane. It is 10:17pm Pacific Time, and I am flying back to Dulles airport. Landing time is approximately 5:30am Eastern Time, and my wife will pick me up. We haven't seen each other in a week. I have been in California because I started an online seminary program and this was its residency week, while she was able to go to my family's vacation in Michigan. 

As I look out the plane windows, I am struck by the fact that I really enjoy looking at the light patterns that suburbs with cul-de-sacs make, but I generally oppose cul-de-sacs because I think it is dumb urban planning and isn't created with the pedestrian or transportation in mind. I also just read an article about Martin Luther King Junior and it contained a few quotes, one of which was, "We are out to defeat injustice and not white persons who may be unjust." These two things, along with the idea of exhibiting self-sacrificial love to the people around us (which might have been my biggest takeaway from my residency. Thanks, Greg Boyd), have got me thinking. 

MLK had a lot of reasons to hate the white people who committed unjust acts toward him and his fellow African Americans, but he chose instead to look at those people and find something to love. When I look at cul-de-sacs (this is on a totally different level than MLK, I assure you I know, just hang in a bit), I may hate the way they are laid out and how difficult they make it to navigate, but I can still see the good in them when I view them from far above and look at them as a whole. So here is my takeaway from this. When I am on the ground in a suburb full of cul-de-sacs, I am filled with disappointment, frustration, and sometimes rage (depending on how bad I think they are), but when I look at them from a macro perspective, they aren't entirely bad. I see the beauty the lights make in the night. I also remember why cul-de-sacs are attractive to families (quiet places, safe streets for kids to run around, ability to see your neighbors). I believe the same goes for people with whom you disagree with on principle, or who are committing unjust acts towards you or people you know, if you look at them from a macro perspective you can also see the good in them.

Let us use Jesus as an example. To say people acted unjustly towards Jesus is a bit of an understatement (they crucified the sinless manifestation of God on earth), but Jesus didn't hate them. He wasn't full of rage when he was brought before the Sanhedrin, or when Pilate questioned him. He calmly answered the questions from the people and religious leaders throughout his ministry. And when he was breathing his last breaths, he says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." 

Jesus saw everything from the macro perspective. He may have humbled himself in humanity, but he never lost sight of God's creation and love for his people. 

We are called to exhibit the self-sacrificial love of God, and that means viewing things from a macro perspective. And it isn't macro enough to just think about the fact that maybe Matt didn't get to have his omelet this morning and that is why he is angry (although it doesn't hurt to think about those things), we have to go so macro that we see the love God has for everyone. And this everyone includes our friends who are currently pissing us off, our neighbor who keeps letting their dog poop in our yard, the city council member who seems to turn down every rational measure brought to their attention, the defender from the opposing school's soccer team that always grabs your jersey, the cops who shoot unarmed civilians, the civilians who shoot cops, and even (gasp) America's enemies of war. God loves all of these people, and many more that I did not list (in other words, everyone). If God loves these people, and we are called to exhibit the self-sacrificial love of God, I guess that means we are supposed to love these people as well. All of these people. I think that Jesus exhibited how to do this the best, but it doesn't hurt to read some of MLK's thoughts on Agape love vs. Eros, and other such matters. There are also countless other theologians that address the topic of loving others, and how and why we should do so. 

In all, this was a great reminder to me about viewing things from the macro perspective. Whether that be war, injustice, neighbor disputes, or shoddy urban planning, view it from the macro perspective. Remember that God loves all humans, and that we are called to exhibit God's self-sacrificial love, and I think it can make you a happier person. 

It is now 10:59pm Pacific Time, but I think we are over the Midwest now, so that would make it 11:59pm Mountain time. My Seagrams Ginger Ale is almost gone. Time to get some shut eye. 

 P.S. On a similar vein, this video with words from a commencement speech that David Foster Wallace gave keeps popping up into my head. It definitely isn't too similar with what is written above, and it doesn't point to Jesus like I would prefer, but it is still always a good watch.

Luray Caverns CX 2016 Mens Cat 4/5

This one will be short, because my race was short.

To begin: I felt great. I adjusted my food intake before the race, and during preride I felt a little sick, but that went away at the start line (I might eat a little less next time). During preride I felt pretty good, and there was only one section I was not 100% confident in, and it wasn't even that bad.
I eat some homemade goo right before rolling to the start line, pumped for the first race of the season. It was about 90 degrees, so it was hot. But my legs were feeling great.
I slot in about halfway back, but then I get a great surprise- front row callup! The promoter called up a few people for a variety of reasons, mine being that both he and I grew up in Michigan. So then I was super stoked. The start was a sight downhill hardpack with a little loose gravel then a slight left on grass over a little bump then a tiny bit less slight right then a sharp 180 left hander, but it was all very wide and no danger of bottlenecking right at the gun. I believe there were 63 guys in our race. At the start I take off as hard as I can, and I am in first place. I then back off a little bit, because I don't feel near confident enough to be at the front of the race. The nerves would get to me and I would take a corner too hot and fall. I need a little more experience off-road. So I back off and a let a couple guys go around me, then I hit the gas again. Soon after the right hander, a UVA guy tries to come around my left side, and I'm not sure exactly what happened to him, but he went down pretty hard. I came inches from smashing into the back of his head, but I escaped around him and was in the clear. This left me sitting 7th with a nice gap between me and 8th, cause everyone else had to slow down quite a bit behind the UVA guy. At the barriers I pass one guy, just a little quicker on the dismount->run transition I was. I finally figured out how to remount without a stutter step, and I was excited to try it in a race. However, the ground after the barriers was very rooty and bumpy, and made it exceedingly difficult, but I jumped up really high and landed on my saddle nice and hard. It hurt a little, but I shook it off and kept going. So now I'm in 6th place, and I pass another guy soon after the barriers.
We get to a very tight 180 left hander on some sandy ground, and I was determined to pass the guy in front of me on the turn. In preride I was never able to swing my bike around all that fast, so I was quick racking my brain on what I could do, then it hit me. I stuck out my inside foot and as soon as I hit the corner I locked up the back wheel and flung the bike around, pushed off with my inside foot and kept going. I easily passed the guy in front of me, who tried to keep both feet clipped in. That felt good.
So now I am sitting fourth wheel. My legs feel great, my lungs feel great. We were all nice and compact so I decided to conserve a little energy and recover from the start until the group started to split a little or somebody caught us, and we ride the rest of the lap together. On the turn to the starting stretch, though, I had one of my ridiculous panic moments. These happen when I am taking a turn and suddenly panic thinking I am going to fall, even though I am nowhere near falling. Usually I tense up and just try to fight the panic, but this time I saw that I could take a nice wide line and just avoid the tense-ness, even though I saw a few rocks on that wide line. I take the wide line, hit the rocks real hard, bottom out both rims, and double flat my tires. I yell to Kendra to get my tool kit and ride to the pits which are fairly close, only brought one spare tube, so I try and patch one tire and replace the other tube, but the patch doesn't hold, so I pack my things up, change, watch a couple other races, then go home (after grabbing some pizza in Luray).
I got about 7 minutes of racing in. I felt really good, confident that I could have stuck with the front group another lap or two. Then disappointment. It is what it is. Next time. Still a great event at Luray, and you should check it out next year if you can.

After the Stoning

I've read Acts 14 lots of times, but this last time I read it I was struck by 14:20. They devote one sentence to Paul getting up (after everyone thought he was dead), walking back into Lystra, and then walking to Derbe the next day. I kept running through what Barnabas and the disciples would be saying when Paul's trying to follow the Spirit. So I decided to write it out. I omitted Paul's words. The following is probably not even close to how it actually played out, but one verse, two sentences, just seems too short.

Barnabas- “Woah, they just killed Paul.” 

Unnamed Disciple- “Do you think they are going to come after us, too?"

Barnabas- “It looks like they're gone, I hope they don’t come back. Lets go get— lets go see how— Paul’s body, it’s over there. We should go get— I can’t believe this happened….

...

Let's go get his body."

Unnamed Disciple- “Things were going so well here!"

Barnabas- “Yeah, until they called me Zeus! I’d rather they killed us as soon as we arrived! Or… Oh, Paul."

Unnamed Disciple- “Come on, Barnabas, we have to go get him."

Barnabas- “I know, I just, I just need to sit here for a bit. I need, oh, I don’t know what I need. Oh God, what do I need?!"

Unnamed Disciple- “Look, we both need to pray right now, but I’m not positive what these guys do to a body after stoning them, they might come back and take it if we don’t hurry up. I haven’t lived here long enough to know."

Barnabas- “… I know, it's just... Ok, let’s go."

Unnamed Disciple- “Geez, I can’t even look at him, the blood... Should we prepare him for burial."

--

Barnabas-  “He moved!"

Unnamed Disciple- “What? What are you talking about? I didn’t see anythi- He did!"

Barnabas- “Paul! You’re alive! Paul! Oh, praise Jesus!"

Unnamed Disciple- “I can’t believe you lived through that! Barnabas, we have to go take care of him."

Barnabas- “Woah, Paul, maybe you shouldn’t be trying to stand up. You should just lay there for a bit, we’ll take care of you."

Unnamed Disciple- “Yeah, Paul. I really don’t think you should be getting up. You have blood everywhere. Your face is smashed! I really don't think you should be getting up."

Barnabas- “What? You want to go back into Lystra?! Those are the people that just killed you! At least, we all thought they did! Do you seriously want to go back in there?"

Unnamed Disciple- “Oh man, this is crazy. What is it, if they can’t kill you the first time, give them a second chance? I mean, we need to get you back in there sometime, but we could carry you like you're actually dead or something, I don't know about walking!"

Barnabas- “Ok, if that is what Spirit wants. We’ll go back into Lystra, but we really need to get you somewhere we can take care of you."

---

Barnabas- “Paul, you seriously want to head out to Derbe today? That’s like 30 miles! I mean, I know it’s closer to Tarsus, maybe you have know people there or whatever, but you were just STONED yesterday! I thought you were dead! The people who stoned you thought you were dead! Do you really think it is a good idea to leave for Derbe? You’re still bleeding all over!

Man, Paul, I’m trying to listen to the Spirit, too, but look at you! I agree that the Spirit is taking us to Derbe, but can’t we at least wait a day or two to make sure your okay? 

You aren’t going to be talked out this, are you? Have you even got off your bed yet today? Can you even walk?

You think so? Show me.

Okay, so you can walk a little bit, but Derbe is a long way.

Shoot, if you are this determined, maybe you’re right. We gotta at least pray about it at breakfast. Let’s go eat. We don’t have much, but we do have bread, mulsum, and a little meat [Unnamed Disciple] and her husband had left over from last night."

---

Barnabas- “Ok, Paul. I know you’re right, the Spirit is calling us to leave for Derbe today. I guess it will be good to get away from these people for a little, we can come back when things have settled down and the people forget they thought we were Zeus and Hermes.

Alright, you got your bag? I got my stuff. Hey, you know what, you got stoned yesterday, I’ll carry your bag, at least for a little bit.

Thanks for your hospitality, [Unnamed Disciple], you and your oikos truly have been a blessing to Paul and I, even though things got crazy. We pray no harm comes upon you or the new church here because of yesterdays events. We will see you soon! Be strong in our absence, and build upon the foundation that has been laid.

Okay, Paul. Now is your last chance, do feel like you can start to head to Derbe?

Alright, here we go.

Steady now, are you sure you can walk?

Okay, we’ll take a lot of breaks, and I’ll change the dressing on your wounds whenever needed, [Unnamed Disciple] gave me a bunch.

Sometimes, Paul, I don’t think I understand the full scope of what we are doing. People have been trying to kill us for quite some time, and some day they will probably succeed. I thought they succeeded in killing you last night. But we must be on to something big. The Spirit is moving us all over, and we are talking with a lot of people and sharing Christ with them. It’s exciting. But last night, I got really scared when I thought you were dead. I feel like I can't do this without you, and, I would wager, you feel the same. We probably need to trust the Spirit a little more. And maybe later we will feel we can branch off a bit, but right now, I need some serious support and community, because sometimes the words fail me. Oh, yeah. You almost died yesterday, I’ll stop talking, give you a bit of rest. Here’s some shade, let’s take a seat for a while.

--

You know, Paul, I’ve been thinking about yesterday. If there is one thing I could have changed about it, I think I would have liked to be the one they called Hermes. Zeus carries too much responsibility."