Of Airplanes and Cul-de-Sacs

This was written on 08/06/16. I decided to just start writing and see what came out, and this did:

I'm currently sitting on an airplane. It is 10:17pm Pacific Time, and I am flying back to Dulles airport. Landing time is approximately 5:30am Eastern Time, and my wife will pick me up. We haven't seen each other in a week. I have been in California because I started an online seminary program and this was its residency week, while she was able to go to my family's vacation in Michigan. 

As I look out the plane windows, I am struck by the fact that I really enjoy looking at the light patterns that suburbs with cul-de-sacs make, but I generally oppose cul-de-sacs because I think it is dumb urban planning and isn't created with the pedestrian or transportation in mind. I also just read an article about Martin Luther King Junior and it contained a few quotes, one of which was, "We are out to defeat injustice and not white persons who may be unjust." These two things, along with the idea of exhibiting self-sacrificial love to the people around us (which might have been my biggest takeaway from my residency. Thanks, Greg Boyd), have got me thinking. 

MLK had a lot of reasons to hate the white people who committed unjust acts toward him and his fellow African Americans, but he chose instead to look at those people and find something to love. When I look at cul-de-sacs (this is on a totally different level than MLK, I assure you I know, just hang in a bit), I may hate the way they are laid out and how difficult they make it to navigate, but I can still see the good in them when I view them from far above and look at them as a whole. So here is my takeaway from this. When I am on the ground in a suburb full of cul-de-sacs, I am filled with disappointment, frustration, and sometimes rage (depending on how bad I think they are), but when I look at them from a macro perspective, they aren't entirely bad. I see the beauty the lights make in the night. I also remember why cul-de-sacs are attractive to families (quiet places, safe streets for kids to run around, ability to see your neighbors). I believe the same goes for people with whom you disagree with on principle, or who are committing unjust acts towards you or people you know, if you look at them from a macro perspective you can also see the good in them.

Let us use Jesus as an example. To say people acted unjustly towards Jesus is a bit of an understatement (they crucified the sinless manifestation of God on earth), but Jesus didn't hate them. He wasn't full of rage when he was brought before the Sanhedrin, or when Pilate questioned him. He calmly answered the questions from the people and religious leaders throughout his ministry. And when he was breathing his last breaths, he says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." 

Jesus saw everything from the macro perspective. He may have humbled himself in humanity, but he never lost sight of God's creation and love for his people. 

We are called to exhibit the self-sacrificial love of God, and that means viewing things from a macro perspective. And it isn't macro enough to just think about the fact that maybe Matt didn't get to have his omelet this morning and that is why he is angry (although it doesn't hurt to think about those things), we have to go so macro that we see the love God has for everyone. And this everyone includes our friends who are currently pissing us off, our neighbor who keeps letting their dog poop in our yard, the city council member who seems to turn down every rational measure brought to their attention, the defender from the opposing school's soccer team that always grabs your jersey, the cops who shoot unarmed civilians, the civilians who shoot cops, and even (gasp) America's enemies of war. God loves all of these people, and many more that I did not list (in other words, everyone). If God loves these people, and we are called to exhibit the self-sacrificial love of God, I guess that means we are supposed to love these people as well. All of these people. I think that Jesus exhibited how to do this the best, but it doesn't hurt to read some of MLK's thoughts on Agape love vs. Eros, and other such matters. There are also countless other theologians that address the topic of loving others, and how and why we should do so. 

In all, this was a great reminder to me about viewing things from the macro perspective. Whether that be war, injustice, neighbor disputes, or shoddy urban planning, view it from the macro perspective. Remember that God loves all humans, and that we are called to exhibit God's self-sacrificial love, and I think it can make you a happier person. 

It is now 10:59pm Pacific Time, but I think we are over the Midwest now, so that would make it 11:59pm Mountain time. My Seagrams Ginger Ale is almost gone. Time to get some shut eye. 

 P.S. On a similar vein, this video with words from a commencement speech that David Foster Wallace gave keeps popping up into my head. It definitely isn't too similar with what is written above, and it doesn't point to Jesus like I would prefer, but it is still always a good watch.

Luray Caverns CX 2016 Mens Cat 4/5

This one will be short, because my race was short.

To begin: I felt great. I adjusted my food intake before the race, and during preride I felt a little sick, but that went away at the start line (I might eat a little less next time). During preride I felt pretty good, and there was only one section I was not 100% confident in, and it wasn't even that bad.
I eat some homemade goo right before rolling to the start line, pumped for the first race of the season. It was about 90 degrees, so it was hot. But my legs were feeling great.
I slot in about halfway back, but then I get a great surprise- front row callup! The promoter called up a few people for a variety of reasons, mine being that both he and I grew up in Michigan. So then I was super stoked. The start was a sight downhill hardpack with a little loose gravel then a slight left on grass over a little bump then a tiny bit less slight right then a sharp 180 left hander, but it was all very wide and no danger of bottlenecking right at the gun. I believe there were 63 guys in our race. At the start I take off as hard as I can, and I am in first place. I then back off a little bit, because I don't feel near confident enough to be at the front of the race. The nerves would get to me and I would take a corner too hot and fall. I need a little more experience off-road. So I back off and a let a couple guys go around me, then I hit the gas again. Soon after the right hander, a UVA guy tries to come around my left side, and I'm not sure exactly what happened to him, but he went down pretty hard. I came inches from smashing into the back of his head, but I escaped around him and was in the clear. This left me sitting 7th with a nice gap between me and 8th, cause everyone else had to slow down quite a bit behind the UVA guy. At the barriers I pass one guy, just a little quicker on the dismount->run transition I was. I finally figured out how to remount without a stutter step, and I was excited to try it in a race. However, the ground after the barriers was very rooty and bumpy, and made it exceedingly difficult, but I jumped up really high and landed on my saddle nice and hard. It hurt a little, but I shook it off and kept going. So now I'm in 6th place, and I pass another guy soon after the barriers.
We get to a very tight 180 left hander on some sandy ground, and I was determined to pass the guy in front of me on the turn. In preride I was never able to swing my bike around all that fast, so I was quick racking my brain on what I could do, then it hit me. I stuck out my inside foot and as soon as I hit the corner I locked up the back wheel and flung the bike around, pushed off with my inside foot and kept going. I easily passed the guy in front of me, who tried to keep both feet clipped in. That felt good.
So now I am sitting fourth wheel. My legs feel great, my lungs feel great. We were all nice and compact so I decided to conserve a little energy and recover from the start until the group started to split a little or somebody caught us, and we ride the rest of the lap together. On the turn to the starting stretch, though, I had one of my ridiculous panic moments. These happen when I am taking a turn and suddenly panic thinking I am going to fall, even though I am nowhere near falling. Usually I tense up and just try to fight the panic, but this time I saw that I could take a nice wide line and just avoid the tense-ness, even though I saw a few rocks on that wide line. I take the wide line, hit the rocks real hard, bottom out both rims, and double flat my tires. I yell to Kendra to get my tool kit and ride to the pits which are fairly close, only brought one spare tube, so I try and patch one tire and replace the other tube, but the patch doesn't hold, so I pack my things up, change, watch a couple other races, then go home (after grabbing some pizza in Luray).
I got about 7 minutes of racing in. I felt really good, confident that I could have stuck with the front group another lap or two. Then disappointment. It is what it is. Next time. Still a great event at Luray, and you should check it out next year if you can.

After the Stoning

I've read Acts 14 lots of times, but this last time I read it I was struck by 14:20. They devote one sentence to Paul getting up (after everyone thought he was dead), walking back into Lystra, and then walking to Derbe the next day. I kept running through what Barnabas and the disciples would be saying when Paul's trying to follow the Spirit. So I decided to write it out. I omitted Paul's words. The following is probably not even close to how it actually played out, but one verse, two sentences, just seems too short.

Barnabas- “Woah, they just killed Paul.” 

Unnamed Disciple- “Do you think they are going to come after us, too?"

Barnabas- “It looks like they're gone, I hope they don’t come back. Lets go get— lets go see how— Paul’s body, it’s over there. We should go get— I can’t believe this happened….

...

Let's go get his body."

Unnamed Disciple- “Things were going so well here!"

Barnabas- “Yeah, until they called me Zeus! I’d rather they killed us as soon as we arrived! Or… Oh, Paul."

Unnamed Disciple- “Come on, Barnabas, we have to go get him."

Barnabas- “I know, I just, I just need to sit here for a bit. I need, oh, I don’t know what I need. Oh God, what do I need?!"

Unnamed Disciple- “Look, we both need to pray right now, but I’m not positive what these guys do to a body after stoning them, they might come back and take it if we don’t hurry up. I haven’t lived here long enough to know."

Barnabas- “… I know, it's just... Ok, let’s go."

Unnamed Disciple- “Geez, I can’t even look at him, the blood... Should we prepare him for burial."

--

Barnabas-  “He moved!"

Unnamed Disciple- “What? What are you talking about? I didn’t see anythi- He did!"

Barnabas- “Paul! You’re alive! Paul! Oh, praise Jesus!"

Unnamed Disciple- “I can’t believe you lived through that! Barnabas, we have to go take care of him."

Barnabas- “Woah, Paul, maybe you shouldn’t be trying to stand up. You should just lay there for a bit, we’ll take care of you."

Unnamed Disciple- “Yeah, Paul. I really don’t think you should be getting up. You have blood everywhere. Your face is smashed! I really don't think you should be getting up."

Barnabas- “What? You want to go back into Lystra?! Those are the people that just killed you! At least, we all thought they did! Do you seriously want to go back in there?"

Unnamed Disciple- “Oh man, this is crazy. What is it, if they can’t kill you the first time, give them a second chance? I mean, we need to get you back in there sometime, but we could carry you like you're actually dead or something, I don't know about walking!"

Barnabas- “Ok, if that is what Spirit wants. We’ll go back into Lystra, but we really need to get you somewhere we can take care of you."

---

Barnabas- “Paul, you seriously want to head out to Derbe today? That’s like 30 miles! I mean, I know it’s closer to Tarsus, maybe you have know people there or whatever, but you were just STONED yesterday! I thought you were dead! The people who stoned you thought you were dead! Do you really think it is a good idea to leave for Derbe? You’re still bleeding all over!

Man, Paul, I’m trying to listen to the Spirit, too, but look at you! I agree that the Spirit is taking us to Derbe, but can’t we at least wait a day or two to make sure your okay? 

You aren’t going to be talked out this, are you? Have you even got off your bed yet today? Can you even walk?

You think so? Show me.

Okay, so you can walk a little bit, but Derbe is a long way.

Shoot, if you are this determined, maybe you’re right. We gotta at least pray about it at breakfast. Let’s go eat. We don’t have much, but we do have bread, mulsum, and a little meat [Unnamed Disciple] and her husband had left over from last night."

---

Barnabas- “Ok, Paul. I know you’re right, the Spirit is calling us to leave for Derbe today. I guess it will be good to get away from these people for a little, we can come back when things have settled down and the people forget they thought we were Zeus and Hermes.

Alright, you got your bag? I got my stuff. Hey, you know what, you got stoned yesterday, I’ll carry your bag, at least for a little bit.

Thanks for your hospitality, [Unnamed Disciple], you and your oikos truly have been a blessing to Paul and I, even though things got crazy. We pray no harm comes upon you or the new church here because of yesterdays events. We will see you soon! Be strong in our absence, and build upon the foundation that has been laid.

Okay, Paul. Now is your last chance, do feel like you can start to head to Derbe?

Alright, here we go.

Steady now, are you sure you can walk?

Okay, we’ll take a lot of breaks, and I’ll change the dressing on your wounds whenever needed, [Unnamed Disciple] gave me a bunch.

Sometimes, Paul, I don’t think I understand the full scope of what we are doing. People have been trying to kill us for quite some time, and some day they will probably succeed. I thought they succeeded in killing you last night. But we must be on to something big. The Spirit is moving us all over, and we are talking with a lot of people and sharing Christ with them. It’s exciting. But last night, I got really scared when I thought you were dead. I feel like I can't do this without you, and, I would wager, you feel the same. We probably need to trust the Spirit a little more. And maybe later we will feel we can branch off a bit, but right now, I need some serious support and community, because sometimes the words fail me. Oh, yeah. You almost died yesterday, I’ll stop talking, give you a bit of rest. Here’s some shade, let’s take a seat for a while.

--

You know, Paul, I’ve been thinking about yesterday. If there is one thing I could have changed about it, I think I would have liked to be the one they called Hermes. Zeus carries too much responsibility."

Thrice [This post is about the American Rock Band- for a definition of the word Thrice...]

Warning: There are 17 links below. 9 of these links are to Thrice songs, two links are to Thrice albums, three links are to guest artists on this post (as in non-Thrice music), one is to a sermon series from my church, one is to a Google search, and one is to an older post of mine. Ye' have been warned. No need to click on them all, unless you have a lot of time on your hands.


Let me preface this by saying that this isn't a big thing where I will just gush my love for Thrice, because I really haven't listened to them much (enough). That needs to change. If you are like me and haven't listened to them much, change that. The whole point of this post is to think about the lyrics from The Great Exchange. If you aren't really interested in Thrice (you should be) and are just interested in what I think, you can just scroll down to where the Youtube video is and read my thoughts below. Also, I encourage you to look up words you don't know (like cull[noun]), because they use words that are not frequently used in everyday speech.

Anyway, this post is brought about by the recent release of 3 new singles from Thrice's new album after their multi-year hiatus, which comes out tomorrow (May 27th, 2016). If you have been following me on Twitter, you have noticed I am on a Thrice kick:

I just want to live tweet @Thrice's discography as I listen to it today, but I am refraining.

— Tyler Yoder (@tylerryoder) May 20, 2016

"Your eyes slit the throat of all I know about myself in this life. This silhouette lie." Piercing my soul, uncovering my insecurities.

— Tyler Yoder (@tylerryoder) May 24, 2016

 I was reminded of my Thrice listening experience when I saw the the video for Black Honey. I dove into the lyrics a bit, and I interpreted it as Black Honey meaning Oil. All these countries are going into the Middle East and trying to grab the black honey and can't understand why so many of the Middle Eastern countries and people are very upset at them. Based on the recent release of Death From Above and its obvious references to war, I am inclined to believe my interpretation. Based on the music and lyrics from these first three songs, I feel as though I will like this new album, which is titled To Be Everywhere Is To Be Nowhere. If I were to interpret the title of this album (which I'm going to), I would take it one of two ways- 1) If we try to be everywhere then we cannot be present where we are. Thus, we are nowhere. 2) Since the songs released so far seem to have to do with foreign policy, we could take this as meaning that the US is trying to be everywhere around the world striving for what it views as peace and prosperity while the internal policies and politics are losing importance, relevance, and significance. Thus, the US is trying to be everywhere and is failing to be here, so they are nowhere. This will be much clearer after tomorrow when the album is actually released and we can listen to all the songs. All that to say, after listening to Black Honey, I remembered that diving into the lyrics is my favorite part of the Thrice listening experience, even though my experience is limited.

You've got heavy songs about marriage, like The Weight [Come what may, I won't abandon you or leave you behind, because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment. Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side. I won't run away, though the storm's getting worse and there's no end in sight]. Rockin' jams making us ask heavy questions like Don't Tell And We Won't Ask [... And you're all alone with all the ghosts of lesser humans, whose lives you've spilt to suit your own... Don't we all know that life is sacred? Don't we all know that we bleed the same red blood?]. Sing-along anthems like Image Of The Invisible that cry out for justice [We're more than carbon and chemicals, free will is ours and we can't let go. We can't allow this quiet cull, so we sing out this canticle- we are the image of the invisible]. And songs like Come All You Weary, which is just pure [Come all you weary move through the earth. You've been spurned at fine restaurants and kicked out of church. Got a couple of loaves sit down at my feet, lend me your ears and we'll break bread and eat]. And the jam Deadbolt (I like this music video because it reminds me of everything I wanted out of music when I was in high school, haven't listened to the actual lyrics much).

I will be honest, my favorite album is The Artist in the Ambulance, even though many decry it as being "too mainstream." The jams wake me up, I pump my fist to the beat of my heart and bang my head to beat of the tunes. In other words, I like the album. I must be a Mainstream Kid [Brandi Carlile].

And after all that, you cannot forget In Exile, which reminds me of the hope we can have in God's Kingdom, which we talked about a lot in the Exiles sermon series at church a while ago. [My heart is filled with songs of forever, of a city that endures, where all is made new. I know I don't belong here; I'll never call this place my home, I'm just passing through].

However, the real song I want to think about in this post (now that I have spent words upon words upon words prefacing this) is The Great Exchange. I am embedding this one here, because this is the one I actually want you to listen to if you are going to read the rest of this post:

Akin to my post on Nine by La Dispute from many moons ago, I'm gonna look at the lyrics and write about what I think. I want to dig into the whole Beggars album in general, because it deserves a good once-over, but I haven't listened to it very much yet. So- lyrics to The Great Exchange are below with footnotes where I insert my thoughts. There aren't any crazy revelations I have, I just like the song and it gives me lots of thoughts.

The Great Exchangeⁱ

I crewed on a fair golden ship that
Went down at the dawn of the world.ⁱⁱ
We mutinied and sentenced our captain to die,ⁱⁱⁱ
‘Fore our sails had barely unfurled.

We sank shortly after our riot;
Wanton flame and our powder kegs met.
While I swam for my life there came voices aloft
Joyful, unearthly, and dread^iv

Singing of a violent, tireless mystery:
That one would give his life to save his enemy.

Too bone-tired to keep my arms moving,
To swim or even grasp after straws.
The undertow drew me down into its cold
And infinite indigo jaws.^v

I heard singing of a violent, tireless mystery:
That one would give his life to save his enemy.^vi

I thought I must be dead or dreaming,
When my captain - still battered, betrayed
Pulled me up, laid me over the beam he’d clung to,
Breathed his last, and sank under the waves. ^vii

Your body is a bridge across an endless sea.
Your body is a bridge across an endless sea.^viii

ⁱ 2 Corinthians 5:21 "God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." Martin Luther seems to have called this passage "The Great Exchange."

ⁱⁱ We went down at the dawn of the world. The modern calendar starts (sort of) with Jesus, so it is kind of the dawn of the world. We killed Jesus then, so that's why we went down (we=humanity). This line confused me for a while, anyway.

ⁱⁱⁱ Thinking about the crucifixion as a mutiny makes me view it differently. I often see it more as the killing of an innocent, but mutiny is probably a better way to think about it, because "Jesus My Captain, my soul's trusted Lord." Jesus is our Captain, and so killing Him was mutiny. (In other news, not a fan of the cruise ships in that lyric video for Captain. They shoulda gone with freighters. Cruise ships give me a sense of entitlement, something set apart for a select few, not something that everyone has a part of. Everyone has a part of a freighter, the rich and the poor all benefit from the goods it carries. Same way with Christ. We all benefit from Him. Totally unrelated to the rest of this post entirely.)

^iv This line gets me, and I don't know why. I'm not even sure what it means. When I think about the crucifixion, though, there were joyful voices. These voices were happy that Jesus was killed so that He could no longer disrupt the practices of the Pharisees and other higher-ups, and so that He couldn't usurp the Roman Empire (which I contest was never His desire in the first place. Sorry Judas, Our Brother [Being As An Ocean]). There were unearthly voices. The veil in the temple was torn, exposing the Holy of Holies, the presence of God coming out upon all the people. There were earthquakes, dead people came out of their tombs, etc. Lots of unearthly things. And there were definitely dreadful voices. The disciples were full of dread. Some of them went back to their homes, some went fishing, they locked themselves in rooms, etc. I don't know what they were dreading. Were they afraid Jesus would not rise again and they would be called fools? Were they afraid that Jesus would rise again and change everything about the world? I'm not sure, but I do know that their voices were full of dread.

^v I just like this line. The infinite indigo jaws of the ocean. So deep (the ocean, that is). Our sin carries us down. Weighs us down. Destroys us. "For the wages of sin is death...[see vii]"

^vi The mystery of Christ (Colossians 1) is ages old, but it is tireless. We can hear about it forever and still need to hear it more. And it is violent, because He was tortured and hung on a cross to bleed to death. He endured this to save His "enemy." I use quotations there, because only they thought He was their enemy. Which is something for us to think about. People thought that they were the enemy of Christ, but since Christ was saving them, they weren't really His enemy. If we, as Christians, wish to model our lives after Christ, how does this change our view of enemies in this world? How can somebody be my enemy if I am praying for their salvation? Things to think about.

^vii "... but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus, our Lord." Romans 6:23. This stanza contains so much of my hope in being a Christian. Sermons upon sermons can be written (and have been) about the hope that this stanza contains. Jesus, our captain, battered and betrayed from the mutiny, took our sin upon His shoulders, and took it with Him into death. The atoning sacrifice (the sacrifice that amends and restores our relationship with God). Such beauty, such grace, such hope for the future (see reference to the song In Exile above).

^viii The chasm created between us and God by our sin has been bridged by Christ's sacrifice.

Yay nautical songs!

If there are other songs that you feel are essential to Thrice's discography, please let me know.

This Post Is About Lyrics

I've been on a huge Make Do And Mend kick lately, as well as a Being As An Ocean kick. Two songs have really stuck out to me lately: Stand/Stagger by MDAM and The Sea Always Seems To Put Me At Ease by BAAO. Stand/Stagger because of the music and I like yelling along, and TSASTPMAE (way too long to type out more than once) because of the poetry. Then one day I listened to the lyrics of Stand/Stagger and I realized how starkly these two songs stand in contrast with each other (lyrics and embedded videos at the end). Stand/Stagger is basically Ecclesiastes without God, and TSASTPMAE is basically J. D. Greear's Gospel Prayer. Once I realized that, it was sort of like that one thing you read one way and it is all pessimistic, then you read it the other way and it is all optimistic. Here, I took the trouble of finding that for you:

pic.twitter.com/q3BReodddw

— Ronnie Joice (@ronniejoice) July 22, 2015

Now, of course, it isn't exactly like that, because these are two different songs, not the same little poem thing, and playing Stand/Stagger backwards would just sound bad. But I listen to Stand/Stagger and just feel sorry for the song-writer because he feels there is nowhere else to go. He feels that we can't earn the favor of others, that the future isn't worth it because we won't be able to earn anything and we will just let people down. Then I listen to TSASTPMAE and can feel a real hope for the future, just the opposite of what I feel from Stand/Stagger, that there is nothing I can do to make God love me less. Part of this comes from the line in S/S, "I'm finding out that all this means is that I'm coming apart at the seams." Part of the reason the song-writer feels that everything is coming apart at the seams is because he is relying on himself. Really, though, all we can do is rely on God. Because we will never be able to live up to others expectation, which means that we will always disappoint others. And as we realize that we can't live up to others, we can realize that we can depend on God. Not on ourselves, not on our family, not on our friends. Just God.

God puts strength in our backbones, knowing that we are going to fall. But that doesn't change how He loves us. He doesn't say, "I raised you better to be healthy and strong!" He says, "I raised you, I knew you would fall, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you. You don't have to feel ashamed around me. I won't stab you in the back. You can mend. You can recover. I have redeemed you already." That's powerful. And that is the hope we can have under God.

We get lost when we rely on ourselves to earn the favor of others and the favor of God. But the definition of grace is that we cannot earn it. We cannot earn God's grace. We cannot earn the favor of others, because we are all part of fallen humanity. But the glorious thing about Christ is that it doesn't matter, because He has already redeemed all of this. All we have to do is accept that redemption, we cannot earn it. A truly glorious thing.

[Videos of songs and accompanying lyrics]

There must be perfect words for feeling alone around the people that love you. They hide their concern, and keep their mouths shut while they watch you come unglued. “You are their oldest son! They raised you better to be healthy and strong!” I haven’t felt that way in so long. But I’d be fine if I could just shake this feeling that all I am is spinning out of control. And it’s slowly becoming clear that your friends and your family can’t bear to tell you that they’ve been watching as you get worse all these years. And it’s still there, the rising fear that your dependence is more than your share, and you’re one step closer to nowhere near. But I’d be fine if I could just shake this feeling that all I am is spinning out of control. Tonight it’s hard not to feel like a failure when I count the scars on my fingers and know there’s nowhere else to go. I’m finding out that all this means is I’m falling apart at the seams. But I’m coming clean. And there’s not much room to breathe between my inconsistencies and the constant reminder that I’ve always been this weak. But I’d be fine if I could just shake this feeling that all I am is spinning out of control. Tonight it’s hard not to feel like a failure when I count the scars on my fingers and know there’s nowhere else to go.

You are the topic of every epic we have ever been told. And as I stand on this cliff, the wind whips through me and I am made bold. Once again, Your presence creeps into my consciousness. Grace made tangible in this newly anointed place and I am brought to my clear senses that none of my perceived failings or disgrace has ever touched my being or inheritance. I am whole, I am clean, I am free, and I brought to my knees. Sink in; permeate this weary flesh. Breathe; life as clean and fresh as the salt-seasoned breeze. Please Father, pull me to my feet. ‘Why are you kneeling, my son? I put strength in that back-bone knowing that you would fall but I promise, you will never taste defeat. You are whole, you are clean, you are free. Get up, rise from your knees!’ We can no longer linger in the shadows of our shame and brokenness. For as sure as the wind blows He has already redeemed all of this. Live as whole, live as clean, live as free. Everything you were made to be standing at the edge of self-discovery. Tired and weary. Our body trembles, buckles. We are afraid of being hurt again, been stabbed in the back by our own friends. We don’t know if we can mend. Minds riddled with unsuccessful recoveries. We’re scared, Lord, we’re terrified. But dive in we must. Cause there has to be something better than this. For we see testimony of You in the sea, Your creation, all of nature. So with a sudden rush we abandon our solitary perching place and as we wash away the mourning dust Immersed; we see Your face.