This post is about Jamila Woods, Individualism, and Community

A little while back I posted on facebook what will likely be my favorite Tiny Desk Concert of the year: Jamila Woods:

Her performance here, and the musicians with her, are just supreme, and beautiful.
I especially love her performance of Holy.

I had been listening to that song quite a bit, and mentioned to K when I was showing her this Tiny Desk Concert how it sort of felt like the anthem to my life, especially the refrain, "I'm not lonely, I'm alone." I like being alone, and it certainly doesn't feel lonely to be alone, and I often look forward to my opportunities to spend time by myself, just doing whatever.
But while we were listening to it, she said that, while she loves listening to the song, she just doesn't quite agree with it. At first I wanted to protest, "But it is saying that it can be enjoyable to spend time alone!" However, the more I critically listened to it, I realized that she was right, that Woods is saying not that she can spend time alone and be happy, but that she doesn't need other people ("I'm holy by my own").
Now, it must be noted that she is writing this song from a perspective of black feminism. Women, especially black women, have been oppressed in America, told they aren't good enough, and had things withheld from them that they don't deserve to have had withheld. We need voices, like Wood's, to remind black women, and young black girls especially, to wake up "with my mind set on loving me." To remind them that they are good enough. To remind them that they are not powerless. That they can make a difference in this world. That they are made in the image of the Creator. The first song in the set, Blk Girl Magic, especially speaks to that and it is important. In that sense, I don't disagree with Woods. But I do disagree that we can get through this life without each other. We are not "holy" on our own. We are holy in community. We cannot get through this life without our brothers and sisters in Christ. We were made for relationship, not made for perfecting our individual selves, but growing up into unity under Christ.
With my disclaimer out of the way (which will probably be the longest part of it, haha), here goes the meat of this post:
For one, she starts her song (embedded at the bottom) with the words, "Give me today my daily bread." An astute observer will quickly notice that this is not how the Lord's prayer goes, which she is quoting, but it instead reads "Give us today our daily bread." In changing it the way she does, she's implying that all we need is ourselves, while Jesus taught us to pray in a way that implies the importance of our community around us. She says next, "help me to walk alone ahead." Which is creative. I like that. But from a Christian perspective, we need to walk the road ahead with our brothers and sisters in Christ at our side, supporting each other, and being "joined and held together by every supporting ligament."
Our culture is constantly telling us that our goal in life is to do what pleases us, "you do you, boo boo." Actively working against the beauty of a unified relationship. Actively working against the kingdom of God, a kingdom that is not just within us, although that is especially true, but is also among us. It has "come near," as Jesus says. Where two or three are gathered, Christ is with them. Culture is working against this because of all the ways that the beauty of relationship has been broken. We are a nation of broken families and broken hearts, so individualism is attractive because it diminishes the possibilities of that brokenness happening. But, as Christians with the message of reconciled relationships, with God and with each other, we can be unified under Christ, showing the beauty of relationship as God intended, and inviting others in to experience that relationship.

All in all, it's important to remember the refrain from Hollow Cove's We Will Run - "We will run to a place we can go as one." We will run to the feet of Jesus, as one unified body, encouraging each other and growing up into Christ, who is the head.





Of course, Hollow Coves' album title is Wanderlust, which is something else our culture encourages us towards that Christians should fight against (you know, not worrying about traveling the world, but focusing on making disciples, because there will one day be a renewed earth), but that is a topic for another post.

Grace and peace.

 

This post is about reflecting on music

I’ve started a new practice recently. When I get goosebumps at a song or super drawn into a song or music video, I stop to reflect on why. Is it just because I love the music or is there something about the lyrics or video that really speaks to me? It started with Julien Baker’s video for Appointments, I reflected on it and realized the beauty of the dancers but their lack of actual interaction with others reminded me of my social anxiety; the beauty in humanity but the difficulty I have in interacting with it. 

Then Silent Planet’s firstwake. \\caught in the cyclical narrative of violence that invokes your name to justify genocide// is the abuses of violent Christendom and the difficulty we have in escaping the cycles of violence. Then Chance the Rapper in Jamila Wood’s LSD, \\grass is greener in pasadena or catalina by the water where the overlap between bullet holes and backpacks couldn’t be farther. and i’m supposed to father my daughter [in chicago]?// Lamenting violence in the lives of children and the inability to escape it. But Counterpart’s Bouquet, \\i find it hard to feel alive while my heart beats in borrowed time// I really just get down with the sick beat.

This has flowed some from my current seminary class, Spiritual Formation. In fact, it is the reverse of what I’ve been experiencing in my class. I have found in my spiritual life that I feel most worshipful when I attain the knowledge of our hope in Christ, but I resist feeling the Holy Spirit. So I have been spending more time in contemplative prayer, putting away relying on my knowledge and focusing on listening and experiencing. So in the music I tend to listen to, I focus more on the feeling the music invokes but don’t take time to reflect on the knowledge behind the tunes. I’m trying to achieve a balance between knowledge and emotion. Maybe that balance isn’t necessarily achievable, it’s probably similar to trying to balance a teeter totter, you keep going back and forth from the center of balance, but I can try to get closer. As my walk with Yahweh goes further and further, I want to be intent on listening, on feeling, and growing in knowledge.



Here's a gif. A smooth dismount and remount:

via GIPHY

Of Airplanes and Cul-de-Sacs

This was written on 08/06/16. I decided to just start writing and see what came out, and this did:

I'm currently sitting on an airplane. It is 10:17pm Pacific Time, and I am flying back to Dulles airport. Landing time is approximately 5:30am Eastern Time, and my wife will pick me up. We haven't seen each other in a week. I have been in California because I started an online seminary program and this was its residency week, while she was able to go to my family's vacation in Michigan. 

As I look out the plane windows, I am struck by the fact that I really enjoy looking at the light patterns that suburbs with cul-de-sacs make, but I generally oppose cul-de-sacs because I think it is dumb urban planning and isn't created with the pedestrian or transportation in mind. I also just read an article about Martin Luther King Junior and it contained a few quotes, one of which was, "We are out to defeat injustice and not white persons who may be unjust." These two things, along with the idea of exhibiting self-sacrificial love to the people around us (which might have been my biggest takeaway from my residency. Thanks, Greg Boyd), have got me thinking. 

MLK had a lot of reasons to hate the white people who committed unjust acts toward him and his fellow African Americans, but he chose instead to look at those people and find something to love. When I look at cul-de-sacs (this is on a totally different level than MLK, I assure you I know, just hang in a bit), I may hate the way they are laid out and how difficult they make it to navigate, but I can still see the good in them when I view them from far above and look at them as a whole. So here is my takeaway from this. When I am on the ground in a suburb full of cul-de-sacs, I am filled with disappointment, frustration, and sometimes rage (depending on how bad I think they are), but when I look at them from a macro perspective, they aren't entirely bad. I see the beauty the lights make in the night. I also remember why cul-de-sacs are attractive to families (quiet places, safe streets for kids to run around, ability to see your neighbors). I believe the same goes for people with whom you disagree with on principle, or who are committing unjust acts towards you or people you know, if you look at them from a macro perspective you can also see the good in them.

Let us use Jesus as an example. To say people acted unjustly towards Jesus is a bit of an understatement (they crucified the sinless manifestation of God on earth), but Jesus didn't hate them. He wasn't full of rage when he was brought before the Sanhedrin, or when Pilate questioned him. He calmly answered the questions from the people and religious leaders throughout his ministry. And when he was breathing his last breaths, he says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." 

Jesus saw everything from the macro perspective. He may have humbled himself in humanity, but he never lost sight of God's creation and love for his people. 

We are called to exhibit the self-sacrificial love of God, and that means viewing things from a macro perspective. And it isn't macro enough to just think about the fact that maybe Matt didn't get to have his omelet this morning and that is why he is angry (although it doesn't hurt to think about those things), we have to go so macro that we see the love God has for everyone. And this everyone includes our friends who are currently pissing us off, our neighbor who keeps letting their dog poop in our yard, the city council member who seems to turn down every rational measure brought to their attention, the defender from the opposing school's soccer team that always grabs your jersey, the cops who shoot unarmed civilians, the civilians who shoot cops, and even (gasp) America's enemies of war. God loves all of these people, and many more that I did not list (in other words, everyone). If God loves these people, and we are called to exhibit the self-sacrificial love of God, I guess that means we are supposed to love these people as well. All of these people. I think that Jesus exhibited how to do this the best, but it doesn't hurt to read some of MLK's thoughts on Agape love vs. Eros, and other such matters. There are also countless other theologians that address the topic of loving others, and how and why we should do so. 

In all, this was a great reminder to me about viewing things from the macro perspective. Whether that be war, injustice, neighbor disputes, or shoddy urban planning, view it from the macro perspective. Remember that God loves all humans, and that we are called to exhibit God's self-sacrificial love, and I think it can make you a happier person. 

It is now 10:59pm Pacific Time, but I think we are over the Midwest now, so that would make it 11:59pm Mountain time. My Seagrams Ginger Ale is almost gone. Time to get some shut eye. 

 P.S. On a similar vein, this video with words from a commencement speech that David Foster Wallace gave keeps popping up into my head. It definitely isn't too similar with what is written above, and it doesn't point to Jesus like I would prefer, but it is still always a good watch.

Luray Caverns CX 2016 Mens Cat 4/5

This one will be short, because my race was short.

To begin: I felt great. I adjusted my food intake before the race, and during preride I felt a little sick, but that went away at the start line (I might eat a little less next time). During preride I felt pretty good, and there was only one section I was not 100% confident in, and it wasn't even that bad.
I eat some homemade goo right before rolling to the start line, pumped for the first race of the season. It was about 90 degrees, so it was hot. But my legs were feeling great.
I slot in about halfway back, but then I get a great surprise- front row callup! The promoter called up a few people for a variety of reasons, mine being that both he and I grew up in Michigan. So then I was super stoked. The start was a sight downhill hardpack with a little loose gravel then a slight left on grass over a little bump then a tiny bit less slight right then a sharp 180 left hander, but it was all very wide and no danger of bottlenecking right at the gun. I believe there were 63 guys in our race. At the start I take off as hard as I can, and I am in first place. I then back off a little bit, because I don't feel near confident enough to be at the front of the race. The nerves would get to me and I would take a corner too hot and fall. I need a little more experience off-road. So I back off and a let a couple guys go around me, then I hit the gas again. Soon after the right hander, a UVA guy tries to come around my left side, and I'm not sure exactly what happened to him, but he went down pretty hard. I came inches from smashing into the back of his head, but I escaped around him and was in the clear. This left me sitting 7th with a nice gap between me and 8th, cause everyone else had to slow down quite a bit behind the UVA guy. At the barriers I pass one guy, just a little quicker on the dismount->run transition I was. I finally figured out how to remount without a stutter step, and I was excited to try it in a race. However, the ground after the barriers was very rooty and bumpy, and made it exceedingly difficult, but I jumped up really high and landed on my saddle nice and hard. It hurt a little, but I shook it off and kept going. So now I'm in 6th place, and I pass another guy soon after the barriers.
We get to a very tight 180 left hander on some sandy ground, and I was determined to pass the guy in front of me on the turn. In preride I was never able to swing my bike around all that fast, so I was quick racking my brain on what I could do, then it hit me. I stuck out my inside foot and as soon as I hit the corner I locked up the back wheel and flung the bike around, pushed off with my inside foot and kept going. I easily passed the guy in front of me, who tried to keep both feet clipped in. That felt good.
So now I am sitting fourth wheel. My legs feel great, my lungs feel great. We were all nice and compact so I decided to conserve a little energy and recover from the start until the group started to split a little or somebody caught us, and we ride the rest of the lap together. On the turn to the starting stretch, though, I had one of my ridiculous panic moments. These happen when I am taking a turn and suddenly panic thinking I am going to fall, even though I am nowhere near falling. Usually I tense up and just try to fight the panic, but this time I saw that I could take a nice wide line and just avoid the tense-ness, even though I saw a few rocks on that wide line. I take the wide line, hit the rocks real hard, bottom out both rims, and double flat my tires. I yell to Kendra to get my tool kit and ride to the pits which are fairly close, only brought one spare tube, so I try and patch one tire and replace the other tube, but the patch doesn't hold, so I pack my things up, change, watch a couple other races, then go home (after grabbing some pizza in Luray).
I got about 7 minutes of racing in. I felt really good, confident that I could have stuck with the front group another lap or two. Then disappointment. It is what it is. Next time. Still a great event at Luray, and you should check it out next year if you can.

After the Stoning

I've read Acts 14 lots of times, but this last time I read it I was struck by 14:20. They devote one sentence to Paul getting up (after everyone thought he was dead), walking back into Lystra, and then walking to Derbe the next day. I kept running through what Barnabas and the disciples would be saying when Paul's trying to follow the Spirit. So I decided to write it out. I omitted Paul's words. The following is probably not even close to how it actually played out, but one verse, two sentences, just seems too short.

Barnabas- “Woah, they just killed Paul.” 

Unnamed Disciple- “Do you think they are going to come after us, too?"

Barnabas- “It looks like they're gone, I hope they don’t come back. Lets go get— lets go see how— Paul’s body, it’s over there. We should go get— I can’t believe this happened….

...

Let's go get his body."

Unnamed Disciple- “Things were going so well here!"

Barnabas- “Yeah, until they called me Zeus! I’d rather they killed us as soon as we arrived! Or… Oh, Paul."

Unnamed Disciple- “Come on, Barnabas, we have to go get him."

Barnabas- “I know, I just, I just need to sit here for a bit. I need, oh, I don’t know what I need. Oh God, what do I need?!"

Unnamed Disciple- “Look, we both need to pray right now, but I’m not positive what these guys do to a body after stoning them, they might come back and take it if we don’t hurry up. I haven’t lived here long enough to know."

Barnabas- “… I know, it's just... Ok, let’s go."

Unnamed Disciple- “Geez, I can’t even look at him, the blood... Should we prepare him for burial."

--

Barnabas-  “He moved!"

Unnamed Disciple- “What? What are you talking about? I didn’t see anythi- He did!"

Barnabas- “Paul! You’re alive! Paul! Oh, praise Jesus!"

Unnamed Disciple- “I can’t believe you lived through that! Barnabas, we have to go take care of him."

Barnabas- “Woah, Paul, maybe you shouldn’t be trying to stand up. You should just lay there for a bit, we’ll take care of you."

Unnamed Disciple- “Yeah, Paul. I really don’t think you should be getting up. You have blood everywhere. Your face is smashed! I really don't think you should be getting up."

Barnabas- “What? You want to go back into Lystra?! Those are the people that just killed you! At least, we all thought they did! Do you seriously want to go back in there?"

Unnamed Disciple- “Oh man, this is crazy. What is it, if they can’t kill you the first time, give them a second chance? I mean, we need to get you back in there sometime, but we could carry you like you're actually dead or something, I don't know about walking!"

Barnabas- “Ok, if that is what Spirit wants. We’ll go back into Lystra, but we really need to get you somewhere we can take care of you."

---

Barnabas- “Paul, you seriously want to head out to Derbe today? That’s like 30 miles! I mean, I know it’s closer to Tarsus, maybe you have know people there or whatever, but you were just STONED yesterday! I thought you were dead! The people who stoned you thought you were dead! Do you really think it is a good idea to leave for Derbe? You’re still bleeding all over!

Man, Paul, I’m trying to listen to the Spirit, too, but look at you! I agree that the Spirit is taking us to Derbe, but can’t we at least wait a day or two to make sure your okay? 

You aren’t going to be talked out this, are you? Have you even got off your bed yet today? Can you even walk?

You think so? Show me.

Okay, so you can walk a little bit, but Derbe is a long way.

Shoot, if you are this determined, maybe you’re right. We gotta at least pray about it at breakfast. Let’s go eat. We don’t have much, but we do have bread, mulsum, and a little meat [Unnamed Disciple] and her husband had left over from last night."

---

Barnabas- “Ok, Paul. I know you’re right, the Spirit is calling us to leave for Derbe today. I guess it will be good to get away from these people for a little, we can come back when things have settled down and the people forget they thought we were Zeus and Hermes.

Alright, you got your bag? I got my stuff. Hey, you know what, you got stoned yesterday, I’ll carry your bag, at least for a little bit.

Thanks for your hospitality, [Unnamed Disciple], you and your oikos truly have been a blessing to Paul and I, even though things got crazy. We pray no harm comes upon you or the new church here because of yesterdays events. We will see you soon! Be strong in our absence, and build upon the foundation that has been laid.

Okay, Paul. Now is your last chance, do feel like you can start to head to Derbe?

Alright, here we go.

Steady now, are you sure you can walk?

Okay, we’ll take a lot of breaks, and I’ll change the dressing on your wounds whenever needed, [Unnamed Disciple] gave me a bunch.

Sometimes, Paul, I don’t think I understand the full scope of what we are doing. People have been trying to kill us for quite some time, and some day they will probably succeed. I thought they succeeded in killing you last night. But we must be on to something big. The Spirit is moving us all over, and we are talking with a lot of people and sharing Christ with them. It’s exciting. But last night, I got really scared when I thought you were dead. I feel like I can't do this without you, and, I would wager, you feel the same. We probably need to trust the Spirit a little more. And maybe later we will feel we can branch off a bit, but right now, I need some serious support and community, because sometimes the words fail me. Oh, yeah. You almost died yesterday, I’ll stop talking, give you a bit of rest. Here’s some shade, let’s take a seat for a while.

--

You know, Paul, I’ve been thinking about yesterday. If there is one thing I could have changed about it, I think I would have liked to be the one they called Hermes. Zeus carries too much responsibility."

Thrice [This post is about the American Rock Band- for a definition of the word Thrice...]

Warning: There are 17 links below. 9 of these links are to Thrice songs, two links are to Thrice albums, three links are to guest artists on this post (as in non-Thrice music), one is to a sermon series from my church, one is to a Google search, and one is to an older post of mine. Ye' have been warned. No need to click on them all, unless you have a lot of time on your hands.


Let me preface this by saying that this isn't a big thing where I will just gush my love for Thrice, because I really haven't listened to them much (enough). That needs to change. If you are like me and haven't listened to them much, change that. The whole point of this post is to think about the lyrics from The Great Exchange. If you aren't really interested in Thrice (you should be) and are just interested in what I think, you can just scroll down to where the Youtube video is and read my thoughts below. Also, I encourage you to look up words you don't know (like cull[noun]), because they use words that are not frequently used in everyday speech.

Anyway, this post is brought about by the recent release of 3 new singles from Thrice's new album after their multi-year hiatus, which comes out tomorrow (May 27th, 2016). If you have been following me on Twitter, you have noticed I am on a Thrice kick:

I just want to live tweet @Thrice's discography as I listen to it today, but I am refraining.

— Tyler Yoder (@tylerryoder) May 20, 2016

"Your eyes slit the throat of all I know about myself in this life. This silhouette lie." Piercing my soul, uncovering my insecurities.

— Tyler Yoder (@tylerryoder) May 24, 2016

 I was reminded of my Thrice listening experience when I saw the the video for Black Honey. I dove into the lyrics a bit, and I interpreted it as Black Honey meaning Oil. All these countries are going into the Middle East and trying to grab the black honey and can't understand why so many of the Middle Eastern countries and people are very upset at them. Based on the recent release of Death From Above and its obvious references to war, I am inclined to believe my interpretation. Based on the music and lyrics from these first three songs, I feel as though I will like this new album, which is titled To Be Everywhere Is To Be Nowhere. If I were to interpret the title of this album (which I'm going to), I would take it one of two ways- 1) If we try to be everywhere then we cannot be present where we are. Thus, we are nowhere. 2) Since the songs released so far seem to have to do with foreign policy, we could take this as meaning that the US is trying to be everywhere around the world striving for what it views as peace and prosperity while the internal policies and politics are losing importance, relevance, and significance. Thus, the US is trying to be everywhere and is failing to be here, so they are nowhere. This will be much clearer after tomorrow when the album is actually released and we can listen to all the songs. All that to say, after listening to Black Honey, I remembered that diving into the lyrics is my favorite part of the Thrice listening experience, even though my experience is limited.

You've got heavy songs about marriage, like The Weight [Come what may, I won't abandon you or leave you behind, because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment. Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side. I won't run away, though the storm's getting worse and there's no end in sight]. Rockin' jams making us ask heavy questions like Don't Tell And We Won't Ask [... And you're all alone with all the ghosts of lesser humans, whose lives you've spilt to suit your own... Don't we all know that life is sacred? Don't we all know that we bleed the same red blood?]. Sing-along anthems like Image Of The Invisible that cry out for justice [We're more than carbon and chemicals, free will is ours and we can't let go. We can't allow this quiet cull, so we sing out this canticle- we are the image of the invisible]. And songs like Come All You Weary, which is just pure [Come all you weary move through the earth. You've been spurned at fine restaurants and kicked out of church. Got a couple of loaves sit down at my feet, lend me your ears and we'll break bread and eat]. And the jam Deadbolt (I like this music video because it reminds me of everything I wanted out of music when I was in high school, haven't listened to the actual lyrics much).

I will be honest, my favorite album is The Artist in the Ambulance, even though many decry it as being "too mainstream." The jams wake me up, I pump my fist to the beat of my heart and bang my head to beat of the tunes. In other words, I like the album. I must be a Mainstream Kid [Brandi Carlile].

And after all that, you cannot forget In Exile, which reminds me of the hope we can have in God's Kingdom, which we talked about a lot in the Exiles sermon series at church a while ago. [My heart is filled with songs of forever, of a city that endures, where all is made new. I know I don't belong here; I'll never call this place my home, I'm just passing through].

However, the real song I want to think about in this post (now that I have spent words upon words upon words prefacing this) is The Great Exchange. I am embedding this one here, because this is the one I actually want you to listen to if you are going to read the rest of this post:

Akin to my post on Nine by La Dispute from many moons ago, I'm gonna look at the lyrics and write about what I think. I want to dig into the whole Beggars album in general, because it deserves a good once-over, but I haven't listened to it very much yet. So- lyrics to The Great Exchange are below with footnotes where I insert my thoughts. There aren't any crazy revelations I have, I just like the song and it gives me lots of thoughts.

The Great Exchangeⁱ

I crewed on a fair golden ship that
Went down at the dawn of the world.ⁱⁱ
We mutinied and sentenced our captain to die,ⁱⁱⁱ
‘Fore our sails had barely unfurled.

We sank shortly after our riot;
Wanton flame and our powder kegs met.
While I swam for my life there came voices aloft
Joyful, unearthly, and dread^iv

Singing of a violent, tireless mystery:
That one would give his life to save his enemy.

Too bone-tired to keep my arms moving,
To swim or even grasp after straws.
The undertow drew me down into its cold
And infinite indigo jaws.^v

I heard singing of a violent, tireless mystery:
That one would give his life to save his enemy.^vi

I thought I must be dead or dreaming,
When my captain - still battered, betrayed
Pulled me up, laid me over the beam he’d clung to,
Breathed his last, and sank under the waves. ^vii

Your body is a bridge across an endless sea.
Your body is a bridge across an endless sea.^viii

ⁱ 2 Corinthians 5:21 "God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." Martin Luther seems to have called this passage "The Great Exchange."

ⁱⁱ We went down at the dawn of the world. The modern calendar starts (sort of) with Jesus, so it is kind of the dawn of the world. We killed Jesus then, so that's why we went down (we=humanity). This line confused me for a while, anyway.

ⁱⁱⁱ Thinking about the crucifixion as a mutiny makes me view it differently. I often see it more as the killing of an innocent, but mutiny is probably a better way to think about it, because "Jesus My Captain, my soul's trusted Lord." Jesus is our Captain, and so killing Him was mutiny. (In other news, not a fan of the cruise ships in that lyric video for Captain. They shoulda gone with freighters. Cruise ships give me a sense of entitlement, something set apart for a select few, not something that everyone has a part of. Everyone has a part of a freighter, the rich and the poor all benefit from the goods it carries. Same way with Christ. We all benefit from Him. Totally unrelated to the rest of this post entirely.)

^iv This line gets me, and I don't know why. I'm not even sure what it means. When I think about the crucifixion, though, there were joyful voices. These voices were happy that Jesus was killed so that He could no longer disrupt the practices of the Pharisees and other higher-ups, and so that He couldn't usurp the Roman Empire (which I contest was never His desire in the first place. Sorry Judas, Our Brother [Being As An Ocean]). There were unearthly voices. The veil in the temple was torn, exposing the Holy of Holies, the presence of God coming out upon all the people. There were earthquakes, dead people came out of their tombs, etc. Lots of unearthly things. And there were definitely dreadful voices. The disciples were full of dread. Some of them went back to their homes, some went fishing, they locked themselves in rooms, etc. I don't know what they were dreading. Were they afraid Jesus would not rise again and they would be called fools? Were they afraid that Jesus would rise again and change everything about the world? I'm not sure, but I do know that their voices were full of dread.

^v I just like this line. The infinite indigo jaws of the ocean. So deep (the ocean, that is). Our sin carries us down. Weighs us down. Destroys us. "For the wages of sin is death...[see vii]"

^vi The mystery of Christ (Colossians 1) is ages old, but it is tireless. We can hear about it forever and still need to hear it more. And it is violent, because He was tortured and hung on a cross to bleed to death. He endured this to save His "enemy." I use quotations there, because only they thought He was their enemy. Which is something for us to think about. People thought that they were the enemy of Christ, but since Christ was saving them, they weren't really His enemy. If we, as Christians, wish to model our lives after Christ, how does this change our view of enemies in this world? How can somebody be my enemy if I am praying for their salvation? Things to think about.

^vii "... but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus, our Lord." Romans 6:23. This stanza contains so much of my hope in being a Christian. Sermons upon sermons can be written (and have been) about the hope that this stanza contains. Jesus, our captain, battered and betrayed from the mutiny, took our sin upon His shoulders, and took it with Him into death. The atoning sacrifice (the sacrifice that amends and restores our relationship with God). Such beauty, such grace, such hope for the future (see reference to the song In Exile above).

^viii The chasm created between us and God by our sin has been bridged by Christ's sacrifice.

Yay nautical songs!

If there are other songs that you feel are essential to Thrice's discography, please let me know.

This Post Is About Lyrics

I've been on a huge Make Do And Mend kick lately, as well as a Being As An Ocean kick. Two songs have really stuck out to me lately: Stand/Stagger by MDAM and The Sea Always Seems To Put Me At Ease by BAAO. Stand/Stagger because of the music and I like yelling along, and TSASTPMAE (way too long to type out more than once) because of the poetry. Then one day I listened to the lyrics of Stand/Stagger and I realized how starkly these two songs stand in contrast with each other (lyrics and embedded videos at the end). Stand/Stagger is basically Ecclesiastes without God, and TSASTPMAE is basically J. D. Greear's Gospel Prayer. Once I realized that, it was sort of like that one thing you read one way and it is all pessimistic, then you read it the other way and it is all optimistic. Here, I took the trouble of finding that for you:

pic.twitter.com/q3BReodddw

— Ronnie Joice (@ronniejoice) July 22, 2015

Now, of course, it isn't exactly like that, because these are two different songs, not the same little poem thing, and playing Stand/Stagger backwards would just sound bad. But I listen to Stand/Stagger and just feel sorry for the song-writer because he feels there is nowhere else to go. He feels that we can't earn the favor of others, that the future isn't worth it because we won't be able to earn anything and we will just let people down. Then I listen to TSASTPMAE and can feel a real hope for the future, just the opposite of what I feel from Stand/Stagger, that there is nothing I can do to make God love me less. Part of this comes from the line in S/S, "I'm finding out that all this means is that I'm coming apart at the seams." Part of the reason the song-writer feels that everything is coming apart at the seams is because he is relying on himself. Really, though, all we can do is rely on God. Because we will never be able to live up to others expectation, which means that we will always disappoint others. And as we realize that we can't live up to others, we can realize that we can depend on God. Not on ourselves, not on our family, not on our friends. Just God.

God puts strength in our backbones, knowing that we are going to fall. But that doesn't change how He loves us. He doesn't say, "I raised you better to be healthy and strong!" He says, "I raised you, I knew you would fall, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you. You don't have to feel ashamed around me. I won't stab you in the back. You can mend. You can recover. I have redeemed you already." That's powerful. And that is the hope we can have under God.

We get lost when we rely on ourselves to earn the favor of others and the favor of God. But the definition of grace is that we cannot earn it. We cannot earn God's grace. We cannot earn the favor of others, because we are all part of fallen humanity. But the glorious thing about Christ is that it doesn't matter, because He has already redeemed all of this. All we have to do is accept that redemption, we cannot earn it. A truly glorious thing.

[Videos of songs and accompanying lyrics]

There must be perfect words for feeling alone around the people that love you. They hide their concern, and keep their mouths shut while they watch you come unglued. “You are their oldest son! They raised you better to be healthy and strong!” I haven’t felt that way in so long. But I’d be fine if I could just shake this feeling that all I am is spinning out of control. And it’s slowly becoming clear that your friends and your family can’t bear to tell you that they’ve been watching as you get worse all these years. And it’s still there, the rising fear that your dependence is more than your share, and you’re one step closer to nowhere near. But I’d be fine if I could just shake this feeling that all I am is spinning out of control. Tonight it’s hard not to feel like a failure when I count the scars on my fingers and know there’s nowhere else to go. I’m finding out that all this means is I’m falling apart at the seams. But I’m coming clean. And there’s not much room to breathe between my inconsistencies and the constant reminder that I’ve always been this weak. But I’d be fine if I could just shake this feeling that all I am is spinning out of control. Tonight it’s hard not to feel like a failure when I count the scars on my fingers and know there’s nowhere else to go.

You are the topic of every epic we have ever been told. And as I stand on this cliff, the wind whips through me and I am made bold. Once again, Your presence creeps into my consciousness. Grace made tangible in this newly anointed place and I am brought to my clear senses that none of my perceived failings or disgrace has ever touched my being or inheritance. I am whole, I am clean, I am free, and I brought to my knees. Sink in; permeate this weary flesh. Breathe; life as clean and fresh as the salt-seasoned breeze. Please Father, pull me to my feet. ‘Why are you kneeling, my son? I put strength in that back-bone knowing that you would fall but I promise, you will never taste defeat. You are whole, you are clean, you are free. Get up, rise from your knees!’ We can no longer linger in the shadows of our shame and brokenness. For as sure as the wind blows He has already redeemed all of this. Live as whole, live as clean, live as free. Everything you were made to be standing at the edge of self-discovery. Tired and weary. Our body trembles, buckles. We are afraid of being hurt again, been stabbed in the back by our own friends. We don’t know if we can mend. Minds riddled with unsuccessful recoveries. We’re scared, Lord, we’re terrified. But dive in we must. Cause there has to be something better than this. For we see testimony of You in the sea, Your creation, all of nature. So with a sudden rush we abandon our solitary perching place and as we wash away the mourning dust Immersed; we see Your face.

Winchester Applecross Day 1

I only got to do "Day 1" of Applecross, because church and grandma. But that was as good to me as racing again.

Anywho, Cat 4/5 again, but this time it was the last race of the day, instead of the first. So my start time was 3:15. My other two races were at 9, so I hardly knew what to do with myself! I didn't even leave for the venue until 11, it was great. I got there around 12, got my number and all that jazz, and watched a bit of the Masters going at it. Went back to the car, changed, ate a little, hopped on the bike and got a slow pre-ride of the course in between the Masters and the Singlespeed. I watched the start and barriers for a while and then went for a slow bike ride around Jim Barnett Park to take in the sites, then came back to the car and ate a little more. Then I got in a hard pre-ride lap in between the Singlespeed and Womens. Watched the first bit of the Womens, then did some more warming up rides and some sprints and stuff, then I staged. All that free time was amazing and I felt so ready at the start compared to my previous races, it was incredible.

Anywho, I'm riding my 2014 Trek Crossrip Elite again. Nice little bike. With used Ritchey Speedmax tires I bought very cheaply off Ebay, 32c in rear, 35c in front, about 40psi (this comes into play later (foreshadowing)).
I really loved the course, I had a heck of a lot more fun this race than my previous two (and those were a lot of fun as well). Maybe just because I felt more confident, but I attribute some of that fun to the course. I staged in the last row all the way to the right, there was a long paved start/finish stretch so bottlenecks were scarce, a few twisty's, then a nice off camber drop-off into a quick run-up. First lap a couple guys tried to dismount and run down the off-camber (it was pretty sketchy looking for a newbie), but we were so packed together that we sort of just carried them down with us, then they fell at the bottom because they were half off their bikes. It was mildly humorous. I was able to make up quite a few places here, because I was on the outside and could just run by all of it. Then there were a few off-camber turns and stuff. Lowering my tire pressure from ~50 to ~40 made such a huge difference on the off-cambers. Rocktown CX was basically entirely off-cambers, and I had 0 confidence and slipped and slid and wiped out on them. This race I felt extremely confident on them and was able to rail them pretty nice. Except the 2nd lap, where I thought to myself, "If I pedal here, I will strike my pedal on the ground and fall over, but I would also be able to pass this guy." Apparently I forgot that I can't pass somebody whilst I am laying on the ground.
After the off-cambers, there were a few pavement crossings, then a nice deep mud pit with standing water and everything. Then the barriers and a dip through a similar mud pit, then a long, very fast paved descent, which was awesome to recover on.
Back to the mud pits: My first pre-ride lap I opted to walk next to the pits to keep my travel clothes clean. But seeing as I had never ridden in mud before, I knew I had to go through it next time. So I hit the first one, but the rut was really wide and it was very simple. So I came to the second pit expecting the same treatment, but there were no ruts, and I hit the mud and immediately went flying off my bike into the middle of the pit. Mud everywhere. That was fun. I hosed the bike (and myself) down before the start of the race, and was sort of embarrassed.
Back to the race: After the paved descent, there are a couple twisties, then the "Belgian Wall." Which is just a very steep run-up, which was super fun. It was nice and muddy and slick at the bottom, which made it nice and interesting. After that is a nice off-camber section again, then it goes up intot the woods, a couple log barriers (I bunny-hopped them in practice, but when I tried during the race I just crushed my bottom bracket on the logs and almost went over the bars... I guess the adrenaline makes a difference. I decided to run them instead after that).
On the second lap, shortly after I fell on that off-camber, I hit a pavement crossing pretty hard, but my bike felt fine and the tire looked good, so I rode past the pits. Move forward 100 yards to the paved decent, and when I hit my top speed my back end was all sorts of squirrelly, so I looked down and sure enough, the back tire was flat. I rode it to the Belgian Wall, then tried to ride some of the off-camber, but the back end just slid out and there was nothing I could do. So I had to run 3/4 of a mile to get to the other side of the pit. I made a lot of supporters during my run, which was nice. And I was very happy I threw my extra tube in the pit (I never put anything in the pit before...). At the pit there was a neutral mechanic, and he changed my tube in about 2 minutes and I was back in the race (1 lap down). After that I stopped worrying about how well I was doing and just enjoyed myself, and ended up having a ton of fun. I got a lot of practice passing people, cornering in the mud, and sprinting out of corners. I also learned what happens when you are looking down and you forget to turn and go through the tape. Also fun.

Over all, I got 34/44 in my race, and there were 79 guys total. So I didn't do too bad, considering I ran half of the course. I'm excited for next season. Hopefully I will be in better shape by the time it comes around, since I'm not starting from scratch this time around.

Update: Pictures of me have surfaced!

From Cedar Meade Studios.
Flat Tire Running

Mudd

Rocktown CX (Bike Race #2)

Second bike race ever: Rocktown CX in the beautiful Shenandoah Valley. I live a couple blocks from the race venue, and we had some old friends staying with us so I told my wife I would just ride over for my warm-up so she could spend some extra time with our friends, then she would bring my tools and tire pump over closer to race time. It was 28 dgrs F when I rolled out in the morning, the first time this year it went below freezing. I apparently went way too early, because they hadn't even pounded the barriers in when I got there (too cold?), so I just rode around town a bit to keep warm. As soon as they got the barriers in I pre-rode one lap to get a feel for the course. A lot of off-camber stuff and ziggy-zaggy turns. I'm not good at turns, but I love 'em. I basically just commute to work, which is pretty straight, so I enjoy turning back and forth for some variation. You climb the entirety of the course in about 1/8 of the course, then slalom down. I stood in line and registered, and gave the course 3 more laps. I think I was the first person to fall on the course in pre-ride. Wiped out on the corner before the barriers because there was a tiny patch of mulch there, but I think everyone fell there at least once when they hit the mulch. Then I wiped out after crossing a deep gravel turn. I was able to stay up past the gravel, thankfully.
My last race I had a goal just to finish the race. This time I had a goal to finish well. So when we lined up to start, I went as far forward as I could. Got second row, which was nice. But then I was all flustered because I had pinned my number on upside down and had to scramble to flip it over before the start whistle, and I barely made it. And I even had the presence of mind to put the bike in the right gear for the start! Whistle blew, and I was 4th or 5th (24 riders) into the first corner and hit the gravel climb. I suddenly realized I was in way over my head so I sat back a bit, fell back to about 10th, but halfway up the climb I noticed I was feeling good and everyone else was fading fast, so I stood up and hit it again and finished the climb 3rd. Felt great to pass all those guys on the climb (my first time passing anyone!) Got passed at the top on some of the off-camber stuff, and made it to the barriers (halfway) sitting pretty in 5th. Then came more nutty off-cambers and I got passed more, then I got hit by a big thing of sticky spit. Not sure if I wasn't hydrated well or ate wrong, but every time I swallowed I would gag because I couldn't get my spit down, and that slowed me up a lot. But I just kept fighting. I passed a few guys, got passed by a few guys, and at the end of the second to last lap I was sitting exactly at halfway (12th, my actual goal was top half, so I was happy). Then I hit an off-camber turn too hard and slid out. Got back on my bike after about .5 seconds and started pedaling as hard as I could: no resistance. Chain was off. So I put it back on as quick as I could in my thick gloves, getting passed by two guys in the meantime. I jumped back on and set out to chase them, and I had one full lap to do so. When I got to the bottom of the climb they were just getting to the top, and I figured there was no way I could catch em, but I went anyway. I railed the downhill turns, pushing as hard as I could, sticky spit and all, pedaled through all the corners, head down, chugging away. Come to the barriers and I finally look up to see how far ahead of me they are, and they were only one turn away, but it was at the nutty off-camber section, where I sucked. But I just went for it. The finish was halfway up the course, right between the two big climbs. The first big climb had a really tight S-turn onto the hill to try and make it a run up, and I caught the boys on the S-turn. I was in utter amazement that I caught them, I stopped feeling any pain in my legs, stopped noticed the sticky spit, I just want to beat these guys. We pounded up the climb and crested the hill 3 abreast. There were a couple S-turns (including one off-camber) before the finish sprint, and I knew they would drop me a bit on the off-camber turn. I tried to rail them, but it was just too technical for me. We hit the finish sprint single file, I was barely off the back. But they hit the sprint and I realized I have never sprinted before, didn't know what to do, and was way too late hitting the gas, and I had no energy stores left. 
It was an awesome race, and I felt insanely gratuitous that I caught those guys, but I am still disappointed in two things. A: I fell on the off-camber, causing me to lose my coveted "Top half result" (I finished 14/24). B: I don't know how to sprint. But I'm building for next time. It's a lot of fun.