Well, I guess it's official. I am currently resigning from my life as a college athlete. Hanging up the boots for the time being. There are a few reasons for this: one is that I just don't find much joy in soccer anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love playing, but I dread going to play more often than I relish it. Another reason is that this is the area in my life where I still consistently get really angry, either at myself or at others. This doesn't fit well with how I am trying to live my life and live out my faith. I shouldn't be screaming at refs because they made one simple mistake, I shouldn't be grabbing guys' jerseys and pulling them down simply because they are faster than me, and I definitely shouldn't be kicking guys' ankles when they beat me to the ball. It isn't that I do those things all of the time when I play, but when it happens it makes me even more angry. Another reason is because I feel like soccer isn't as important to me as people really want it to be. There are just a lot more things more important to me, namely my faith. I have the feeling that people have the tendency to try and make sports fit their faith, instead of trying to mold their lives after Christ. I feel as if there is a dichotomy between being a Christian and professing love for all and being an athlete where you try your hardest to beat somebody else. Things like college soccer, where the games are really "important," can have a huge impact on people's lives, and I hate seeing myself try to break someones heart by beating them in a game, or ruining someones dreams because I am playing hard and succeeding. Of course, that same thing would be true in the business world, and also anytime I apply for a job, and everything else that it relates to. Concerning sports where it is easier for me to see the results, however, I make the distinction. So I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite. Anyway, I also can't take seeing people getting injured and ruining possibility for them to succeed in other areas of life as well, namely concussions. Part of this comes from the few concussions that I have sustained in the past few years and watching my friends get head injuries. It just isn't worth it. And because I feel that way, I feel no need nor desire to keep playing, other than keeping other people happy because I am playing, and that isn't good enough. Now, on the flip side of that, I can see a whole lot of good things that stem from sports. People really can learn about life by playing sports, they learn to deal with failing and they learn how to deal with success. Ask any athlete and they can give a whole list of reasons why sports are good for people, and I would agree with most of them, so I will refrain from listing them here. However, while sports do have these positives, for me personally, there are more cons than pros. I've struggled with this decision for the past three years and I feel like this year it is important for me to not play any more. I want to use the extra time I have to focus on how I am living my life in relation to my faith, and also to hopefully focus a little more on classes. Also, a little selfishly, I hope this opens up opportunity for me to work and make a little money. I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to play this much, and to have ended my soccer career playing here at EMU. The guys on the team are really awesome and it was an incredible experience to play with them this past year. It will be tough for me to be sitting with the crowd next year, but I know that is where I need to be. I also felt the need to write this because of how integral soccer has been to my life for the last decade and a half. I will definitely keep playing for fun, but I feel like my college career is over. If I do come back for an extra semester, I may re-evaluate where I am at, but next year I will not be playing.
Love and peace to all peopleeeeeeee. And food. Food is good.
Here is a song for you to listen to if you are bored. Click me.
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